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OOM: Thinking about Garyn.
Jun. 1st, 2014 06:19 pmThe mazte has started to burn going down, a fitting reminder of her foolishness.
IDIOT! How could she have been fool enough to think that she could keep her life here separate? It was naive of her to think that the dream of Milliways and the nightmare of life as a Sith would not inevitably collide. This collision went far, far better than it should have, but it won't be the last.
She'd been lucky, so very lucky, that Garyn UNDERSTOOD. He doesn't see her as a monster, even knowing some of the things she's done. What they have is...more than friendship, she realizes, stomach full of butterflies.
Force, she's falling in love with him! Or maybe she's already fallen. That knowledge fills her with wonder and terror. The feelings growing inside of her are more than she ever dared dream of, beautiful and precious, a light in the dark. But they are bound up with his life, and life is such a fragile thing.
The memory of his fear for her is sour on her tongue and sets her gut roiling. He wants to help her, of course he does. But the knowledge of what dangers and horrors he might face for her sake chill her to the marrow of her bones. So very many things are worse than death, and the Sith are masters of them all. For the secrets of alchemy alone they would break him apart and rip into his mind, leave him an empty, gibbering husk.
It would be so much safer for him to never set foot in her world, to never be where They might find out about him.
Better that he had never met her, never cared for her, to want to risk himself so for a Sith. Traitor. Murderer. He is a weakness, a weakness they will use to break her.
She's not sure she's strong enough to bear his death, his suffering, his loss. She's terrified that she'd burn worlds for his sake, betray everything she's ever stood for to save him. And she's terrified that she might NOT, that she's capable of letting him suffer and die. One last terrible betrayal of someone who the world has already cruelly used. Could she go on, after that?
But that ship has sailed. He'll suffer whatever she does or doesn't do.
But inaction will hurt him too, wound him as surely as blade or blaster. His feeling of impotence to help her will eat at him like an acid. If the worst does arise for her, and odds are it will, he's the kind who WILL blame himself for it. Even if her end comes by orbital bombardment or a supernova. Ibani makes a sound somewhere between a bitter laugh and a sob.
He wouldn't be happy being kept safe, no more than she would. And he's a warrior, not some clerk or merchant. No, the best thing, the only thing, to do is to prepare him as much as possible for what may await him. Armor, knowledge, weapons, any and every advantage she can manage in their favor.
Please, Force, let her be strong enough.
IDIOT! How could she have been fool enough to think that she could keep her life here separate? It was naive of her to think that the dream of Milliways and the nightmare of life as a Sith would not inevitably collide. This collision went far, far better than it should have, but it won't be the last.
She'd been lucky, so very lucky, that Garyn UNDERSTOOD. He doesn't see her as a monster, even knowing some of the things she's done. What they have is...more than friendship, she realizes, stomach full of butterflies.
Force, she's falling in love with him! Or maybe she's already fallen. That knowledge fills her with wonder and terror. The feelings growing inside of her are more than she ever dared dream of, beautiful and precious, a light in the dark. But they are bound up with his life, and life is such a fragile thing.
The memory of his fear for her is sour on her tongue and sets her gut roiling. He wants to help her, of course he does. But the knowledge of what dangers and horrors he might face for her sake chill her to the marrow of her bones. So very many things are worse than death, and the Sith are masters of them all. For the secrets of alchemy alone they would break him apart and rip into his mind, leave him an empty, gibbering husk.
It would be so much safer for him to never set foot in her world, to never be where They might find out about him.
Better that he had never met her, never cared for her, to want to risk himself so for a Sith. Traitor. Murderer. He is a weakness, a weakness they will use to break her.
She's not sure she's strong enough to bear his death, his suffering, his loss. She's terrified that she'd burn worlds for his sake, betray everything she's ever stood for to save him. And she's terrified that she might NOT, that she's capable of letting him suffer and die. One last terrible betrayal of someone who the world has already cruelly used. Could she go on, after that?
But that ship has sailed. He'll suffer whatever she does or doesn't do.
But inaction will hurt him too, wound him as surely as blade or blaster. His feeling of impotence to help her will eat at him like an acid. If the worst does arise for her, and odds are it will, he's the kind who WILL blame himself for it. Even if her end comes by orbital bombardment or a supernova. Ibani makes a sound somewhere between a bitter laugh and a sob.
He wouldn't be happy being kept safe, no more than she would. And he's a warrior, not some clerk or merchant. No, the best thing, the only thing, to do is to prepare him as much as possible for what may await him. Armor, knowledge, weapons, any and every advantage she can manage in their favor.
Please, Force, let her be strong enough.
